Rap Snacks
We' gots to get paid, yo.. and diversify our portfolios with salted snack treats, yo-
We' gots to get paid, yo.. and diversify our portfolios with salted snack treats, yo-
Orville Redenbacher's "Corn On The Cob' flavored microwave popcorn
Not bad... if it didn't contain FISH and GELATIN as ingredients...
Not bad... if it didn't contain FISH and GELATIN as ingredients...
Questionable human ingenuity at work...
Pork Brains in Milk Gravy
Made by the Dial Corp... same folks who make soap.
The milk is pink by the way... prolly from the bloody brain parts?
Made by the Dial Corp... same folks who make soap.
The milk is pink by the way... prolly from the bloody brain parts?
Bacon Wallet
Delicious pork flavored currency holder
Delicious pork flavored currency holder
Pick Your Nose Drinking Cups
Choose a different shnoz each time you drink!
Choose a different shnoz each time you drink!
Virus Candy
I always knew candy was bad for you...
I always knew candy was bad for you...
Stuffed "Breathing" Cat
$40 for a lump of fur that looks like it's sleeping?
I have three real cats that do this every day for free!
$40 for a lump of fur that looks like it's sleeping?
I have three real cats that do this every day for free!
What Would A Zombie Do? Answer N Spin Card
Zombies are known for their powerful reasoning skills... now you to can harness that power
Zombies are known for their powerful reasoning skills... now you to can harness that power
Giant Japanese Fake Lips
They look like two, giant, gummy-pink, chewed bubble gum slugs.
It a great for party or for making nice funny on special someone
They look like two, giant, gummy-pink, chewed bubble gum slugs.
It a great for party or for making nice funny on special someone
Huge Yodeling Pickle
They look like two, giant, gummy-pink, chewed bubble gum slugs.
It a great for party or for making nice funny on special someone
They look like two, giant, gummy-pink, chewed bubble gum slugs.
It a great for party or for making nice funny on special someone
Mutant Sized Rubber Cockroach
Just what everyone needs for the holidays! The oil used in manufacturing
this item will most likely make this fake roach outlast all of us once were
gone. Future generations will know we worshipped the roach enough to
create a giant, mutant sized tribute to them. All hail the ROACH!
Just what everyone needs for the holidays! The oil used in manufacturing
this item will most likely make this fake roach outlast all of us once were
gone. Future generations will know we worshipped the roach enough to
create a giant, mutant sized tribute to them. All hail the ROACH!
GEN PET... Genetically Modified Pets
Say Hello to the all New Genpets™ from Bio.Genica! The Genpets™ are
pre-packaged, bio-engineered pets that are not toys or robots. They are
living, breathing genetic animals.
Say Hello to the all New Genpets™ from Bio.Genica! The Genpets™ are
pre-packaged, bio-engineered pets that are not toys or robots. They are
living, breathing genetic animals.
Dirty Underwear Travelling Safe
Okay, it's gross. But Security Briefs also work.
It's made from a genuine pair of men's underwear, and comes complete with revolting stains.
Built into the front of the briefs is a secret compartment with a velcro fastener. Inside, you can
hide your money, passports, and jewelry along with your dignity if you buy this item.
So imagine you're a dishonest chambermaid, looking for something to steal. As you probe
the suitcases of your hotel guest, you come across this soiled pair of underwear. Do you start
handling it, hoping to find some treasure? Oh just to see the look on their face...*sigh*
Okay, it's gross. But Security Briefs also work.
It's made from a genuine pair of men's underwear, and comes complete with revolting stains.
Built into the front of the briefs is a secret compartment with a velcro fastener. Inside, you can
hide your money, passports, and jewelry along with your dignity if you buy this item.
So imagine you're a dishonest chambermaid, looking for something to steal. As you probe
the suitcases of your hotel guest, you come across this soiled pair of underwear. Do you start
handling it, hoping to find some treasure? Oh just to see the look on their face...*sigh*
GUMMI TAPEWORM
Yes... modern technology has given rise to make gelatenous goop candy into any shape or
thing in the entire world! Why not gummi tapeworms?
Your wish is granted.
Yes... modern technology has given rise to make gelatenous goop candy into any shape or
thing in the entire world! Why not gummi tapeworms?
Your wish is granted.
CRYING BABY HEAD BOUNCING BALL
Want something disturbing for under five dollars? Maybe this Crying Baby Ball will do the trick.
It's a rubber ball shaped like a crying baby's head. When you throw the ball against the wall,
or bounce it off the floor, the baby cries.
Want something disturbing for under five dollars? Maybe this Crying Baby Ball will do the trick.
It's a rubber ball shaped like a crying baby's head. When you throw the ball against the wall,
or bounce it off the floor, the baby cries.
FLYCATCHER
When your desk at work or in your home is so full of flys you just can't stand it any
more, why not make matters worse by sticking this thing on it? Nothing says class
like an homage to the 1986 film, Broadway show and the original 1960's film entitled
"Little Shop Of Horrors." *Note the box says "...it burps..." Indeed.
Watch the video of it in action...
When your desk at work or in your home is so full of flys you just can't stand it any
more, why not make matters worse by sticking this thing on it? Nothing says class
like an homage to the 1986 film, Broadway show and the original 1960's film entitled
"Little Shop Of Horrors." *Note the box says "...it burps..." Indeed.
Watch the video of it in action...
COUGHING ASHTRAY
Will you smokers never learn? Well... how about we gross you out until you either put that stink
bomb out or just leave. Even if you don't smoke... this makes for a nice conversation piece.
Will you smokers never learn? Well... how about we gross you out until you either put that stink
bomb out or just leave. Even if you don't smoke... this makes for a nice conversation piece.
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS SINGING RECTAL THERMOMETER
Who lives in a pineapple... YOW!
Who lives in a pineapple... YOW!
JIMMY DEAN SAUSAGE N' CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES ON A STICK
Now your favorite breakfast foods are even easier to eat. We wrapped a delicious
sausage inside a sweet chocolate chip pancake & put it on a stick to make it portable!
Now your favorite breakfast foods are even easier to eat. We wrapped a delicious
sausage inside a sweet chocolate chip pancake & put it on a stick to make it portable!
Weirdo Product 2008-2009
SUBTLE BUTT GAS PADS
Now you can buffer your worst flatulence with this carbon charcoal monstrosity that fits
into the back of your underwear. "Simply stick it in the right place and you're ready for
the chili cook-off..." (actual copy from their site)
Now you can buffer your worst flatulence with this carbon charcoal monstrosity that fits
into the back of your underwear. "Simply stick it in the right place and you're ready for
the chili cook-off..." (actual copy from their site)
ZIT POPPERS CANDY
You know you eat your own zit goo anyways... I've seen plenty of sicko teenagers to
know THAT. These candies might taste better... who knows?
UPDATE: A student bought some for me. They taste just like what'd you expect
anything gummy to taste like. Many of them were already popped or had leaked all
over the plastic wrapped bag. Just awful.
You know you eat your own zit goo anyways... I've seen plenty of sicko teenagers to
know THAT. These candies might taste better... who knows?
UPDATE: A student bought some for me. They taste just like what'd you expect
anything gummy to taste like. Many of them were already popped or had leaked all
over the plastic wrapped bag. Just awful.
TOAST WALLET
There's nothing better to help show the world how much you like toast than this
nifty wallet. Keep your "bread" safely inside this "bread."
There's nothing better to help show the world how much you like toast than this
nifty wallet. Keep your "bread" safely inside this "bread."
COZY COW COW MATTRESS
COZY COW® Mattress is the "next best thing" to outside pasture -
it significantly reduces impact and abrasion injuries, to even the heaviest cows.
COZY COW® Mattress is the "next best thing" to outside pasture -
it significantly reduces impact and abrasion injuries, to even the heaviest cows.
'FLAME' BURGER KING'S MEAT SCENTED COLOGNE
If you just can't resist smelling like what one reviewer called,
"...a wicked, lactose intolerant fart. I mean, it's truly nauseating. I sprayed a little bit on my hand
and I've nearly thrown up 7 times already. It smells like a combination of Spencer's Gifts, Hot
Topix, and adolescent fear wrapped in a skunk's ass Washing does no good. I've tried
everything. I've contemplated cutting my hands off, it's that bad..."
The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the
essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-
broiled meat.
If you just can't resist smelling like what one reviewer called,
"...a wicked, lactose intolerant fart. I mean, it's truly nauseating. I sprayed a little bit on my hand
and I've nearly thrown up 7 times already. It smells like a combination of Spencer's Gifts, Hot
Topix, and adolescent fear wrapped in a skunk's ass Washing does no good. I've tried
everything. I've contemplated cutting my hands off, it's that bad..."
The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the
essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-
broiled meat.
POPCORN FORK
Only the fattest of fingers may need to use a three pronged fork to transfer popcorn
from their bowl to their open maw. There's a salt shaker in the handle. These are
the same people who have refrigerators and toilets built into their chairs.
Only the fattest of fingers may need to use a three pronged fork to transfer popcorn
from their bowl to their open maw. There's a salt shaker in the handle. These are
the same people who have refrigerators and toilets built into their chairs.
AQUA VERDE by SALVADOR DALI
What? You didn't know that there's a whole line up of perfumes and colognes named after the
famed painter of the weird and wacky? Apparently, a company licensed his name, and
produced a bunch of fragrances borrowing the shapes found in his paintings and turning
them into bottles.
The "Agua Verde" deodorant stick is the newest addition to this line. Agua Verde is Spanish
for "Green Water". Now you to can have hallucinogenic images of ants, melting clocks and
burning giraffes under your arms!
What? You didn't know that there's a whole line up of perfumes and colognes named after the
famed painter of the weird and wacky? Apparently, a company licensed his name, and
produced a bunch of fragrances borrowing the shapes found in his paintings and turning
them into bottles.
The "Agua Verde" deodorant stick is the newest addition to this line. Agua Verde is Spanish
for "Green Water". Now you to can have hallucinogenic images of ants, melting clocks and
burning giraffes under your arms!
BEAN BOOZLED A disgusting flavor jelly bean game
This amazing and revolting candy is also a nasty game. Here's how it's played...
I'm going to offer you two jelly beans -- One of them has a delightful and refreshing peach flavor.
But the other one tastes like vomit. Which one will you take? Unless you're absolutely nuts, you'll
take the peach one. But what if they both look EXACTLY ALIKE? You won't know whether it's
peach or puke until you bite down on it!
Is that evil, or what?
Each box of Bean Boozled contains pairs of identical Jelly Beans - In each pair, one is tasty and
the other is revolting. No, you can't tell which one by smelling it. The only way is to actually EAT IT.
Is eating something disgusting something you want to pay money for? Doesn't most fast food
do this alreadyr?
This amazing and revolting candy is also a nasty game. Here's how it's played...
I'm going to offer you two jelly beans -- One of them has a delightful and refreshing peach flavor.
But the other one tastes like vomit. Which one will you take? Unless you're absolutely nuts, you'll
take the peach one. But what if they both look EXACTLY ALIKE? You won't know whether it's
peach or puke until you bite down on it!
Is that evil, or what?
Each box of Bean Boozled contains pairs of identical Jelly Beans - In each pair, one is tasty and
the other is revolting. No, you can't tell which one by smelling it. The only way is to actually EAT IT.
Is eating something disgusting something you want to pay money for? Doesn't most fast food
do this alreadyr?
Inflatable Bowl
Nothing says high culture more than your original Inflate-A-Bowl. Bring
this baby out after a good tobacco dip or smoke and start blowing t up in
front of your guests. Then, wipe your mouth and fill it up with a snakc only
you would enjoy... like Corn nuts or dill flavored potato chips
Nothing says high culture more than your original Inflate-A-Bowl. Bring
this baby out after a good tobacco dip or smoke and start blowing t up in
front of your guests. Then, wipe your mouth and fill it up with a snakc only
you would enjoy... like Corn nuts or dill flavored potato chips
EDIBLE DENTURES
The easiest way to describe Candy Teef is as Edible Dentures. It's a comical row of
exceptionally bad teeth, complete with receding gums. You wear the phony teeth by chewing
the included bubblegum, and then using it to stick the dentures over your real teeth.
After you've had fun showing off your goofy teeth to your friends, you can then eat the teeth and
gums. (how delightful!)
Yeah, any way you look at it, Candy Teef is pretty sick.
The easiest way to describe Candy Teef is as Edible Dentures. It's a comical row of
exceptionally bad teeth, complete with receding gums. You wear the phony teeth by chewing
the included bubblegum, and then using it to stick the dentures over your real teeth.
After you've had fun showing off your goofy teeth to your friends, you can then eat the teeth and
gums. (how delightful!)
Yeah, any way you look at it, Candy Teef is pretty sick.
ZAKY INFANT HAND PILLOWS
Ever wanted to slip away and leave the impression that you still care about your kid? That's
where these awesome fake pillow hands come in "handy."
The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and
feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development.
Good night nurse.
Ever wanted to slip away and leave the impression that you still care about your kid? That's
where these awesome fake pillow hands come in "handy."
The Zaky is an ergonomic infant pillow designed by a mom to mimic the size, weight, touch, and
feel of her hand and forearm to help her baby with comfort, support, protection, and development.
Good night nurse.
STEVEN SEAGAL'S Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
Aside from kicking butt in about 90 films where he plays the exact same poker faced, mumbling
character, Steven Segal claims to have pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy
drinks, and includes a couple of ingredients not found in other such drinks, Asian Cordyceps,
and Tibetan Goji Berries.
Seagal says that he came up with the idea of Lightning Bolt after his travels in Asia in search of
botanicals believed to keep locals disease-free for their entire lives. Too bad his career couldn't
stay alive.
Anywho, give it a grip an sip... "its got electrolytes".
Aside from kicking butt in about 90 films where he plays the exact same poker faced, mumbling
character, Steven Segal claims to have pioneered the way for nutritional, all natural energy
drinks, and includes a couple of ingredients not found in other such drinks, Asian Cordyceps,
and Tibetan Goji Berries.
Seagal says that he came up with the idea of Lightning Bolt after his travels in Asia in search of
botanicals believed to keep locals disease-free for their entire lives. Too bad his career couldn't
stay alive.
Anywho, give it a grip an sip... "its got electrolytes".
Box Of Boogers Candy
Gummy Boogers are booger-shaped candy that, believe it or not, taste
better than the real thing!
To make matters worse, you get a nice, big, tangy boxful of them.
I used to get punched in the head for trying to give my boogers to people.
Now, they'd be happy to take em'. "Pick one" out of the box and "stick it"
on your friends toothbrush or computer mouse or screen... maybe in their
hair! When they yawn, chuck one in their mouth and tell them "you picked
that one especially for them."
Gummy Boogers are booger-shaped candy that, believe it or not, taste
better than the real thing!
To make matters worse, you get a nice, big, tangy boxful of them.
I used to get punched in the head for trying to give my boogers to people.
Now, they'd be happy to take em'. "Pick one" out of the box and "stick it"
on your friends toothbrush or computer mouse or screen... maybe in their
hair! When they yawn, chuck one in their mouth and tell them "you picked
that one especially for them."
Thriving Office sound effects CD
Give yourself instant credibility as a business by playing this CD of
sounds heard around a busy office. Nothing like screwing over that guy
on the other end by adding some credible background office noise to
your ponzy scheme? Thriving Office contains the sounds of voices,
phones, computers, and much more. One 39-minute track is "Busy" and
the other is "Very Busy".
Give yourself instant credibility as a business by playing this CD of
sounds heard around a busy office. Nothing like screwing over that guy
on the other end by adding some credible background office noise to
your ponzy scheme? Thriving Office contains the sounds of voices,
phones, computers, and much more. One 39-minute track is "Busy" and
the other is "Very Busy".
KIDS DON SCARFACE SNEAKERS
"Say hello to my lil' frens'...my SHOES! You cockaroach..."
These Tony Montana-themed athletic shoes from Scarface come in matte or patent leather upper in
a casual athletic style with a perforated toe panel, stitching accents and Scarface logo details. Side
panel features printed movie still of Al Pacino as Tony Montana. Full lace up front with Scarface lace
plate, padded tongue and collar, soft fabric lining, cushioning insole. Shock absorbing midsole,
traction patterned sole with "The World is Yours" printing.
Nothing says I'm the master blaster of this here territory on the playground than these kids size "Don
Scarface" sneakers. Bow down to "The Don" you #%$%@*&
We should be proud of our youngsters. Let em shine as lil' gangsta thug worshipping, ass clowns.
"Wif my Scarface shoes, first I can get the ya-yo...then I get the power...then I'll get the women...
Frankie Castle - 3rd grade
"Say hello to my lil' frens'...my SHOES! You cockaroach..."
These Tony Montana-themed athletic shoes from Scarface come in matte or patent leather upper in
a casual athletic style with a perforated toe panel, stitching accents and Scarface logo details. Side
panel features printed movie still of Al Pacino as Tony Montana. Full lace up front with Scarface lace
plate, padded tongue and collar, soft fabric lining, cushioning insole. Shock absorbing midsole,
traction patterned sole with "The World is Yours" printing.
Nothing says I'm the master blaster of this here territory on the playground than these kids size "Don
Scarface" sneakers. Bow down to "The Don" you #%$%@*&
We should be proud of our youngsters. Let em shine as lil' gangsta thug worshipping, ass clowns.
"Wif my Scarface shoes, first I can get the ya-yo...then I get the power...then I'll get the women...
Frankie Castle - 3rd grade
DOG ARMOR
When you and your dog are preparing to go to battle against the army of darkness, middle earth
trolls and orcs or even your local postman, you're gonna need to get bizay with this special armor
for your dog. That's right, Animal Armor dude will not only make armor for your dog, he'll make it
for your squirrel or even your young daughter.
Knives, spears, helmets, mountain man forks and cala lily metal flowers, this guy makes it all.
So, for all of your fine quality metal armor needs before you go medieval and open up a canuth
ofeth whoopassuth, check here first!
When you and your dog are preparing to go to battle against the army of darkness, middle earth
trolls and orcs or even your local postman, you're gonna need to get bizay with this special armor
for your dog. That's right, Animal Armor dude will not only make armor for your dog, he'll make it
for your squirrel or even your young daughter.
Knives, spears, helmets, mountain man forks and cala lily metal flowers, this guy makes it all.
So, for all of your fine quality metal armor needs before you go medieval and open up a canuth
ofeth whoopassuth, check here first!
KUNG FU KIDZ ANIMATRONIC SINGING KICKING THING
Within the darkest recesses of the human mind lay ideas both crazy and not so crazy. What makes
us "sane" is being able to reason between these thoughts and only act upon the non-crazy ones.
That being said, someone chose "crazy" and figured everyone must need one of these here Kung
Fu Kidz..
This thing sings and kicks and speaks some kung fu smackdown threats in an clearly adult voice,
even though it looks like a small child. Then some kind of crappy song gets played that sounds
like it's from the same group who sing the "Family Ties" theme and there's lots of HIIIYAA!
I weep for the future.
Within the darkest recesses of the human mind lay ideas both crazy and not so crazy. What makes
us "sane" is being able to reason between these thoughts and only act upon the non-crazy ones.
That being said, someone chose "crazy" and figured everyone must need one of these here Kung
Fu Kidz..
This thing sings and kicks and speaks some kung fu smackdown threats in an clearly adult voice,
even though it looks like a small child. Then some kind of crappy song gets played that sounds
like it's from the same group who sing the "Family Ties" theme and there's lots of HIIIYAA!
I weep for the future.
COCKROACH BITES
Gummy roaches with crunchy icing shells! Watch them skitter across
your tongue and hide in the dark crevices of your mouth before you
munch on their delicious bug bodies. These cola flavored candy
cockroaches are packed in a set of 2.... 1 mommy and 1 baby roach.
One day you can rimenesce with your children about those hazy bygone
days of your youth when you and your pals would sit on the front porch in
summertime, eatin' your Cockroach Bite candies... unlike your post
apocalyptic, end-times, zombified, whack-a-do future whereby eating
roaches for real is considered a delicacy.
Runs you about $35 bucks for this here thrill. That's some serious coin
to be pretending to eat some bugs.
Gummy roaches with crunchy icing shells! Watch them skitter across
your tongue and hide in the dark crevices of your mouth before you
munch on their delicious bug bodies. These cola flavored candy
cockroaches are packed in a set of 2.... 1 mommy and 1 baby roach.
One day you can rimenesce with your children about those hazy bygone
days of your youth when you and your pals would sit on the front porch in
summertime, eatin' your Cockroach Bite candies... unlike your post
apocalyptic, end-times, zombified, whack-a-do future whereby eating
roaches for real is considered a delicacy.
Runs you about $35 bucks for this here thrill. That's some serious coin
to be pretending to eat some bugs.
DOGGY DOO DOO CADDY
The next time you want to stay inconspicuous while your dog pinches a loaf on your neighbors
front lawn, be sure to harness your precious into this Dog Doo Caddy Collector. Having a wiener
dog come snaking past you trailing a small wheelbarrow full of his own poo would startle anyone
into wondering just who owns who.
I would like to have one of these for me for those days when I am just too tired.
*note* according to the graphic, it's dishwasher safe. That's just what you want is your dogs poo
being hurled around with hot water at about 300 degrees with every dish and glass and utensil
you put in you and your children's mouthes.
The next time you want to stay inconspicuous while your dog pinches a loaf on your neighbors
front lawn, be sure to harness your precious into this Dog Doo Caddy Collector. Having a wiener
dog come snaking past you trailing a small wheelbarrow full of his own poo would startle anyone
into wondering just who owns who.
I would like to have one of these for me for those days when I am just too tired.
*note* according to the graphic, it's dishwasher safe. That's just what you want is your dogs poo
being hurled around with hot water at about 300 degrees with every dish and glass and utensil
you put in you and your children's mouthes.
HAIL TO THE CHIA! THE OBAMA CHIA HEAD
Walgreens just decided that these were a bit to edgy for its customers, so they pulled it from their
shelves. You decide... is $20 for a ceramic bust of Obama full of seeds so's he can grow a green
afro of clover politically correct?
Walgreens just decided that these were a bit to edgy for its customers, so they pulled it from their
shelves. You decide... is $20 for a ceramic bust of Obama full of seeds so's he can grow a green
afro of clover politically correct?
JAMES BROWN COOKEEZ
"HHEHEEEEAAAAYYYYYY"
A surefire way to join Soul Brother #1 in the funky afterlife is to eat a few of his cookies. The packet
says cholesterol free, but hey--who cares!
Hit me one time! Hit me twice! "HHEEEEEYYAYAAA"!
(sorry, but sadly these cookeez is not only off the heezy, but also off the market)
"HHEHEEEEAAAAYYYYYY"
A surefire way to join Soul Brother #1 in the funky afterlife is to eat a few of his cookies. The packet
says cholesterol free, but hey--who cares!
Hit me one time! Hit me twice! "HHEEEEEYYAYAAA"!
(sorry, but sadly these cookeez is not only off the heezy, but also off the market)
NOSE SOAP DISPENSER
"You nose you want one..."
This is the best we can do with our ingenuity? I see DEVO in effect here.
Only $14.95!
"You nose you want one..."
This is the best we can do with our ingenuity? I see DEVO in effect here.
Only $14.95!
DOG NAIL POLISH
Only $11.95!
Only $11.95!
Monster Spray
Spray the fruit scented hallucinogens in your kids rooms before bedtime
and monsters will be the LAST thing on their mind! $5.00
Spray the fruit scented hallucinogens in your kids rooms before bedtime
and monsters will be the LAST thing on their mind! $5.00
Koatu Approved
Peekaru
Koatu approved, this kangaroo punch / slanket / snuggie is just what
post-partum moms wish for... to carry their now even heavier children
around on their gullet again. They just got back down to fighting weight,
and now this guilt comes along.
Runs you about $55 bucks for the pleasure
Koatu approved, this kangaroo punch / slanket / snuggie is just what
post-partum moms wish for... to carry their now even heavier children
around on their gullet again. They just got back down to fighting weight,
and now this guilt comes along.
Runs you about $55 bucks for the pleasure
